sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
