He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
