Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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