Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
