I'm lost and stupid without you.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
