Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
