I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
