Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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