Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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