My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
