If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
