ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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