he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize