I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
