I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
