She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
