That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
