okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
