Having a random hookup so left but love u
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
