Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
