The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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