We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
