We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize