we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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