Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
