Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
