it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
