Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
