i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
