Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
