An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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