i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize