Don't EVER smell your tampon
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
