I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
