OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
