I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
