Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
