i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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