if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize