I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
