hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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