As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
