When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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