worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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