I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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