I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
