Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
