There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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