9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
