I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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