I need to stop coming to work sober
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
