I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
