oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You pole danced in your parka.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
