i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she looked like the before picture.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
