i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
