so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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