Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
