sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
