like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
