would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
