I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
