Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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