Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
