Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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