I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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