I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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