what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
