god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
