Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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