I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
it's like heaven, but drunker
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
