i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
