when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
This is classic penis vs brain.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
