we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
