franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
