So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
