You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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