she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
