How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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