worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
