Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize