Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I lost the right to judge tonight
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize