Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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