i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
