So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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